LOUISE

Inspired by Gretchen Schroer's latest blog post about being grateful, I myself started to think about what I have to be grateful for in my life. Moving to New Zealand was, and still is, something big, scary and unpredictable, something I have been putting so much energy into just to make it all work. You see, it's not only a new country, people, culture and language, but it is also the fact that I have left everything I recognize at home. I have worried so much about how my life will be when I come home. Will I still have friends, and if so, who? I mean, I have a couple that I've kept really good contact with, and I don't doubt our friendship at any level.

But since I life my life here, and they live theirs on the other side of the world, keeping contact isn't always the easiest thing to do. My hours have I spent grieving the fact that I haven't heard a word from, or said a word to so many friends now for five months. Five months! I am afraid of being forgotten. Being the one who moved away, because I am coming back. Sometimes I reckon it would be easier to stay here, because I have friends here, I know my way here and I know people, but also because I am afraid to return to my homecountry with no one to meet me at the airport, or to see for a beer a warm night in July.

But as I said, I live my life here, and they live theirs. I blame no one for lost contact, because there is simply no one to blame. My point is that regardless of how my relationsship will be with all of my friends when I return to Sweden, I am most grateful for every second I've spent with all of you. I choose my friends pretty carefully, and I must be good at it because I always end up with the most reliable, empathic and wonderful people one could imagine. My Mom always told me I have wonderful friends, and she is right! I do!

Mainly because of me questioning my future social, financial and living situation when I move back to Sweden, I have an increasingly harder time to decide whether to stay here for longer or to return straight away. I can't seem to decide what to do. One day I plan to stay in Aussie for some months to work and save money, and the other day I look at flight tickets to Sweden in early July. To be honest, I think it would be the best for me to go to Aussie and work, save some money and avoid returing to Sweden with nothing. That's just not going to happen. But that's my opinion for today, how will I feel tomorrow?

I couldn't be happier for all of my opportunities I've been given here; to be able to travel wherever I want to in a country I've been dreaming for nine years to visit, I've been to Samoa and I have an amazing chance to move to Australia for, pretty much, as long as I want to. I live the life that so many people dream of, and I have seen so many things at the age of nineteen, more than many people will ever see during their whole lifetime, and my life have barely begun. So I am grateful, I am happy and I am proud over myself, for grabbing this opportunity and making the best out of it.

The thing that I am most grateful for in the whole world would be the people who have been the most encouraging concerning me leaving Sweden. My mom, my granddad, my sisters and some friends, without your support I don't know what would have happend. I know that this would never happen without my mom's endless patience and help, and also financial help from my granddad and his neverending encouragement, which he have been given me in all situations.

I am also grateful for being healthy, with not even a single allergy to bring me down. I have almost everything I could ask for right now: health, food, roof, a job, beautiful nature and good friends. Some people couldn't live their lives without a lot of money, expensive clothes, iPhone, high social status or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if these things might make life easier, I can live without them. Becuase first of all, wearing exclusevely Ralph Lauren or G-Star does not ensure happiness, a boyfriend would restrict me and my way of living (where would I find a man willing to travel the way I do?) and money is for me good to pay rent, food and flight tickets.

Being shallow is being naive, because the outside of a person is irrelevant.

Oh, I've written so much.. I have so many thoughts in my head, I've been thinking a lot about this. Well, I will stop here, I hope this makes sense to you guys, hehe!

Since the Christmas spirit kicked in here in New Zealand, I've become more and more consious of all the things I'm missing out on in Sweden. For an example, when I realized I'll miss out on my Mom's big Christman Baking Day I got really upset with myself, wondering how Christmas could be a good Christmas without baking Lussekatter, ginger bread and all of the other things with my family. I am also missing out on snowball fights, drinking Glogg in the cold, wearing huge winter jackets, all the fun nights out at The Tivoli and Le Cardinal, drinking a glass of wine at Hamnpaviljongen and enjoying Swedish winter so called Vargavinter.

On the other hand, every day means new experiences within new culinary experiences, weather (hot and dry), new people and new traditions. Christmas day here for an example usually starts with a crossaint for breakfast, barbecue for dinner out in the sun and later on perhap a trip to the beach, not to bad aye?

It evens up in the end, but sometimes the feeling of both missing out and discovering new things is overwhelming. Sometimes I wish my whole family could just be here for a couple of days with me, but in the end of the day I'm still me, having the time of my life and doing so many things I've never even dared to dream about before. So there really isn't much to complain about.

A quick skype session and then off to bed. Yeah I'm getting more and more addicted to skype, it's so great to be able to talk to my friends and family from home and also speak some Swedish, now that my Norwegian and Swedes are all gone. Ye it's nice as hell, like it!

Job was great! I didn't work in the bar, but I hope to do that later on, but i worked from 10.30 pm until 5 am, and it was fine by me, my first night shift ever god dammit!! Haha.

I checken flight tickets to Sweden the other day, and I might buy one in February to get it as cheap as possible, which means I'll most likely leave in July. It stresses me out so much to only have a couple of months to decide, I want to come home and meet everyone (I MISS YOU GUYS) but I don't want to be unemployed. Even if I'd start study right away, I'd still have to have a job to be able to live properly. And jobs are nowhere to be found in Sweden?

Ah well. I'm way too tired to think about that right now to be honest, I'm a wreck, need some sleep and a shower. And oh, I only had breakfast today and I just realized it, this nightshift messes with my mind, but I still like it. I'll just eat extra tomorrow hehe.

I hope you'll have a nice day in Sweden and enjoy your Ice Age, and I'll enjoy the heat down here.

xx

One thing that has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now is what I would like to achieve with my life before I die. I've already crossed some off my non-existing list this year, such as moving abroad, obviously, hehe. But what more would I want to accomplish? I'd like to go to all continents, including Antarctica. I would want to travel around South America and Africa, and really see the social differences and thereby recieve a deeper understanding in other people's living conditions. I would like to swim with dolphins in an open sea, write a book about anything, learn how to speak in front of a crowd, speak five languages fluently, and "the list" goes on.

What else could there be to put on "the list"? Should I make it a real list?

Detta inlagget far bli pa svenska for omvaxlings skull. Jag kollade precis igenom bilder fran nagra AUT personer som rest genom hela Europa, och nar jag sag bilder fran Sverige borjade jag bara langta hem sa otroligt mycket. Ah vackra underbara fina Sverige, varfor ska allting vara sa langt borta? Fast det ar ju lite av charmen med Nya Zeeland ocksa for den delen, att det ar sa langt borta.

Men ja, ibland kan jag se pa bilder i timmar pa min dator fran diverse olika tillfallen i Sverige och bara sakna. Jag kommer igah nar jag och Coffe pratade om min flytt pavag till Polen, och han sa att mitt hjarta kommer vara delat mellan tva lander, och det ar verkligen sant; mitt hjarta ar delat mellan Sverige och Nya Zeeland, och jag kommer aldrig kunna vara har utan att sakna Sverige och vice versa. Jag har fatt det basta av tva varldar an sa lange, ska jag skratta eller grata?

Det ar inte sa ofta jag kanner sahar dock, tack och lov. Jag har inte en enda gang angrat mitt beslut att komma hit eller ens en enda sekund som jag spenderat har, men ofta onskar jag att jag for dagen hade kunnat aka till Sverige for att ga en promenad i Helsingborgs hamn, dricka ett gals vin pa Hamnkrogen, hanga med Malin och snacka skit med henne, se pa tv i mammas soffa eller sitta nere i Mathildas kallare och spela guitar hero. Allt detta kommer jag ju kunna gora snart igen, men nar jag val aker tillbaka till Sverige kommer jag formodligen agna den forsta tiden at att sakna NZ och allt vad det innebar.

Ah om jag anda hade kunnat fa ata kakan och behalla den.

I've been thinking about what promise I should make for next year to fulfil. Last years promise was to spend Christmas and New Years abroad, which I will do. So, what should it be?

I've been thinking about improving my Italian, so I'm currently looking for some books so that I can selflearn which won't be a problem, I already know the basics anyway! Either way, I want to know at least four languages fluently so I might as well start right away to do so!

If not learning Italian, my promise could be learning German (inspiration on its highest level here), but German is harder for me, it has beenmore than three years since I studied it..

Or maybe something not related to languages? I am so out of ideas, I'll try to figure out something good and challenging for me!

Hell yeah! I am sooo exited right now! I just bought my flight down south and on sunday morning at 6 am I'll be sitting on the plane leaving Auckland and going to Christchurch, the city of ROCK BARS and LOVELY FRIENDS. I am almost shaking from excitement. So before i leave I'll have to organize my packing, move into a hostel tonight and waaaaait for saturday night to come so that I can leave for Auckland airport!

Boom chika wa wa!

Second last day in Auckland. My room is starting to look the same as when I first arrived, my boxes and my suitcase is being filled up for the second time this year, and soon I'll be on my four hour bus ride up North.

Can't wait!