"You're off the hook"
I'm tired but I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll just chill out, watch a movie or something and wait for sleep to hit me.
Anywho, I've been thinking. My sister is on her way here right this moment, her plane from Sweden took off about five hours ago, and in a few days she'll be here with me. So will my friend from high school. I can only say that I am very happy. Very, very happy!
Well. Moving down here has been confusing for me in mustiple aspects. I have realized things I never thought I would. I have missed people as much as I have almost forgotten people that I never thought I would miss/forget. Well, I have always had a strong philosophy about missing someone, and it has kept me from doing just that in many situations and with many people, but this philosophy seems to have disappeared somewhere along the way which I actually don't like at all. I don't like being that dependent, when I know that I can take care of myself. I should be fully able to just "erase" someone from my mind just by wanting it, as I could do before. So, once and for all, I will try to make this happen. Once and for all is all I'm asking for. Just let me forget, because I don't want to think nor miss anymore.
Of course, this does not concern everyone. I don't mind missing family, good friends or my NZ whanau, because all of you are close to my heart and will always be, and missing you only brings me to good memories and a smile on my face. Even though I can't see you right now, I'm still grateful for every second with you. I don't mind missing you just because of that, because you make me smile.
HOWEVER
By the time my smile fades away because I miss someone, that's when my mind needs to be cleared. So, why isn't it working as it should?
Just some 7 am thoughts. I'm tired and still a bit "high" on coffee and JD & coke. Excuses for any confusions. I'm just done with this now. Time for mind dicipline.
Dinner!
With Metallica - One playing on iTunes I'm making home made falafel with pasta and an egg. Omega 3, carbohydrates and protein! To work I'll bring fruit and a nutbar in case I get hungry. I have to have my dinner this late, otherwise I'll be starving around 2 am craving for something real to eat.
Work soon, tonight will be busy.
Favourite songs by Metallica:
Turn the page
One
The day that never comes
Enter Sandman
Nothing else matters
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Hypothecially - home made muesli
Reason: muesli is packed with sugar, and it is expensive. So I might as well make my own. It's in the oven now and should be done in ten minutes or so. Tomorrow I'll dry apples and bananas to put in it.
Muesli á la Louise:
Approx 4 dl oatmeal (havregryn)
1 dl linseed (linfrön)
2 dl sunflower seeds
1 dl coconut
Approx 2 dl chopped nuts: walnut, hazelnut, peanut, brazil nut, cashew nut
Approx 1 dl chopped almonds
Mix and add:
2 dl water mixed with 0,5 dl honey
Mix all of it and roast in oven, 200 degrees, for about 25 minutes. Stir often.
Let it cool and add dried fruit, such as banana, raisin, apple, ananas, mango or whatever you feel like. Enjoy.
Delicious or what? It smells like heaven here and I can't wait to have some for breakfast tomorrow! I'll try some when I'm done to see what it tastes like.
Well, I have work in 1,5 hours, so until then I'll have a shower, make dinner and chill out. I will feel fine tonight!
And by the way, a big thank you to one of Micky Finn's band, The Elevators, who dedicated a song to me last night when I was cleaning up broken glass. They played Enter Sandman by Metallica, which is my favourite of the ones they play.
2.10 pm
I am now awake, having some breakfast and just chilling. I'm starting to get a cold, so I'm all tugged in with double pairs of sweat pants and two thick blanchets. There is no way in hell that I will catch a cold, so I'll hit the tea with honey as well.
Last night was terrible, and wierd because I never get a head ache. I mean never! I think I have had it two times since I moved to NZ, at the most. It just doesn't happen to me. So I don't know why.. It wasn't because of dehydration, that's for sure. And I did have dinner during the day, and an apple, a banana and a nutbar around 9.50 to 11.00.
Well, it's a mystery. I will go and make me some more food now. Eat, sleep and drink tea is what I shall do today before work. I refuse to feel bad tonight!
Crap
My head hurts so bad, and I don't want to take a pill, but I won't be able to sleep until it's gone (or I won't, there is nothing worse than sleeping witch an head ache), so I have a dilemma here. Suffer, or take one of those disgusting, absolutely nasty pain killers?
I haven't decided yet. I'll wait and see.
God only knows
I am sitting in my couch, and as Kelsey is in Australia, I'll be alone for a week now. It feels a bit boring living by myself for such a long time, especially since I still haven't adjusted not being surrounded by people all the time as I was in Auckland. But on the other hand, it's not too bad and I can handle it. I have work in three hours, so I guess I'll be working from 10 pm till 4 am, be home by 5 at least. So all I need to do now before work is to rest.
I love my job, it is fun, my workmates are great and I get to meet a lot of people. But I can't help but looking forward to when I'm done there, so that I can go back to a normal rutine where I sleep by night and feel good and alert all day. Which I haven't at all now for almost two months. It just feels strange being tired all the time, having no energy to get things done, and most of all being literally blurry in my head all the time. It really is hard, and even though I always respected those who work at night, I would never think of it as this. I can do it, it's not it. I just prefer doing things all the time, going somewhere, meeting someone, exploring something. But it is simply not possible to do what I want when I feel like this. That is what I can't stand about it.
However. I'm almost done here, and I am happy to be working tonight. I can't sleep by night and I feel dizzy all day regardless if I work or not, so it would be fine by me to work every night, in all honesty. So yes, I am glad. So I have two hours to kill before I will start getting ready for work, and I will spend those two hours watching Lost or tv. My body needs rest.
Actually, the Big Bang Theory is on now. How cool wouldn't it be if Sheldon Cooper was a real person? Ah, I wish..
-----------------------
I am only going to make me some dinner... What will I make? Might just go for baked beans..? Toast? Both?
Actually, I think I'll get up from bed now, make me some food and move over to the couch and watch Lost.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Tearjerker
I just came home a while ago.. It's 4.30 in the morning, and the night started off with watching Little Fockers at the cinema with a workmate. Later on we went to a bar, met some more guys from Rock Pool and hung out with them, had some drinks and then off to Rock Pool and Micky Finn's for some more drinks and tea pot. We stayed there for a while, drinking and playing pool (and yes, I have cancelled my detox, I came to the conclusion that it will never be possible to detox when I work in a bar) and then later on to Stock X-change, another bar in town that is open till 6 am, always. So a couple of Jack Daniels and coke, and some tea pot shots, but I'm still practically sober. I have had some strawberries here at home and I'm going to bed soon to watch Lost until I fall asleep.
BUT
I was just looking through some stuff from the days before I left, and my eyes just teared when I read everything my friends wrote to me. All the wishes for me to have the time of my life, and so on. It just touched my heart so much, and I can't decide how I feel about going home in six months. For some people it's a very long time, but for me it's nothing! Time flies by (believe me, I know!) and I'm pretty sure it'll all feel like a couple of weeks by the time I'm heading for the airport to return to Sweden. So much anxiety. What am I returning for? At the moment, I have almost nothing. I have no job, boyfriend, studies, apartment, no nothing to go back to. I'm not accepted to my studies yet, so for now, what would I relly return to. What if I won't get accepted to the studies I hope for?
In one way, I never want to set my foot on Swedish ground again. But on the other hand, I want. It is all so confusing... I'm just going to have some of my FroYo, enjoy Lost and fall asleep. I'm too tired to think about this (and perhaps a bit too affected by the bourbon?).
Good night, good morning, whatever
"Home Swede Home"
I'm not sure of what's up with me tonight, and I don't even know if this is what they call home sickness. If so, is it for Sweden, or WSA? Where is my home anyway? For now, Christchurch is my home, and in a couple of weeks I'll pack up my stuff to leave yet again. I love my life down here, but believe me when I say that it is rough to always be on the road, always going somewhere else. I love the adventure of discovering new places, but I hate saying good bye. I hate not knowing where I belong or what place I should call home.
I never refer to Sweden as "back home". I just say "Sweden". I never even think of it as home, is it? I am scared for how I will feel when I go back.. I am so scared for how I will feel when I step out of that plane and enter the airport, Swedish ground. How will I handle all of these emotions, because it makes me feel so confused already, imagine how I will feel when it's really time..?
I am very good at adjusting. I am independent in many ways. I am grown up. Mature. I have the courage to move abroad for a whole year, without family or friends.
Question is: do I have the courage to just go back to normal?
Experiments in the kitchen
For dessert, I just made FroYo (frozen yogurt) with berries. Very simple, and I hope it is good as well.
My next step in experimenting will be to dry fruit in the oven. Banana and apple will be my first try outs, and if that work out good I might go on for something more advanced. If anyone has any help to give me regarding dried fruit, please step forward.
I just finished the Bond movie Quantum of Solace, so I'll watch some more Lost and wait for sleep to kick in.
Ciao!
Aotearoa
The art gallery was amazing! I couldn't stop smiling as I was walking through the different rooms filled with amazing art. There were particularly two beautiful paintings that stunned me, made by the same, unknown artist. It is such a shame that beautiful pieces like them doesn't have a name to celebrate for the artistic work. I might be going back there soon again, for there are few things that gives me the same, peaceful feeling as art.
As you may know, ever since my first visit to the library in Auckland (one of my first days there, of course) I have been meaning to get hold on the first season of Lost in order to watch the show from the beginning. However, I decided to wait until I felt like I deserved to take time off and really enjoy it, and I never quite felt in Auckland that I had time for it. But now, I do feel like I deserve to sit down every now and then to watch it when I'm not working. I will take time to relax now during summer, for there will be no more time left for that when I leave this city. So I bought the first season of Lost.
It took me six months to feel like I deserved it, and I must say that things really do feel more special when you don't haste it, and when you are patient and wait for it. It feels good!
For lunch I had beans, and Kelsey and I will start on dinner soon enough. We will throw together a bit of everything that we have here:
- eggs
- pasta
- beans
- home made falafel
And fruit and berries for dessert. I will also make some good water, with berries and lemon. I know Kelsey hates water and I, at the moment, do prefer something that tastes, so it will be perfect. I'll make the water and then return to my beloved Lost.
Te Puna O Waiwhetu
Hello!
I just made me some brunch; smoothie with watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries and natural yoghurt. Yum! After a shower I'm off to the Christchurch Art Gallery, and there is one exhibition that I particularly want to see calles "Blue Planet". Here is a description of it:
Blue is a feeling, a place to dream, an endless idea and the colour of our amazing planet as seen from space.
Looking at the ways artists have used the colour blue, Blue Planet celebrates imaginative art making and thinking, as well as different cultural and global perspectives.
I'm exited for my me-day. I made extra smoothie so I'll bring some of that, a book and my mp3 so that I can find a spot in the sun, read and relax later on, just by myself.
Ciao!
Insomnia
It's almost 3 in the morning and I am not tired whatsoever. This is the worst thing for me about working night: I can't sleep normally when I'm not working?
In purpose of killing time, I've been watching tv, speaking to my wife Malin for an hour (yes, we are pretty much married, no complaints; she truly is my soulmate) and eating heaps of nuts and dried fruits. Gosh, what am I supposed to do? I'm con pills, so sleeping pill is not an option for now. I only tried half a pill once when I didn't sleep at all for a few days and it didn't even work, and I'm glad it didn't because it shouldn't be necessary.
I think the plan is to make som chamomile tea, watch the Big Bang Theory and just pass out, in time? I'm out of ideas for getting tired, it's a problem I've had all of my life. I'm still set for waking up early tomorrow anyway, and I think I'll walk to the art gallery after breakfast and shower by myself, so that I can enjoy the art without having to argue with people why one piece is better than the other (all of you who knows me also knows that I tend to argue about everything sometimes. I like to be right). I can't wait for some proper me-time!
Well, I'll make me some tea now.
PLEASE, could all of you just give me some help with my sleeping issue? What do you do to fall asleep? I need all help I can get.
I love this character, if only I could live with him for a week or two.
Sunday <3
I'm off from work until wednesday, so today I enjoyed my first day off with Omar. I met him up in town for breakfast, and then we went to the supermarket and bought some good food, yum!
Dinner: bean stew consisting white and kidney beans, carrots, peas, mushroom and tomato sauce.
Dessert: tray of fruits consisting apple, watermelon, strawberries and banana
Later on tonight I'll make a smoothie with watermelon, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries & blackberries.
The plans for the coming days off are:
- art gallery
- botanic garden
- beach
For now, I just finished dinner and about to start on dessert, while enjoying Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on tv.
Ciao beautiful people!
Don't worry, be happy
I am quite hungry, and I can assure you that if there was a sushi place nearby open this time I'd go there for some vegetarian (with cucumber, capsicum and avodado) or salmon and avocado sushi. Yum! BUT, unfortunatley, there isn't, no I'm just going to make me some food.. But I can't decide whether to have breakfast or "late" dinner.
Breakfast --> natural yoghurt with berries, apples & bananas, nuts, almons and dried fruit (raisins, peach, bananas, figs and ananas)
Dinner --> noodles and a boiled egg
I can't quite decide if I feel like something sweet (breakfast) or salty (dinner). Hmm. I think I'll go for noodles and egg right now, and then the healthy stuff when I wake up late today.
Otherwise, the plan for today is:
Meet Omar around 1 pm for coffee and a tour in the Botanic Garden, which I haven't been to yet (only seen the one in Auckland), and then see what happens. Maybe go to Countdown to buy more noodles.
Sooooo, some "dinner" now, or well, food, and then sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
Good morning!!! ♥
On track
Okay, making progress here.
- I've got a pedometer (=stegräknare), and it'll be interesting to see ho many steps I take during a night at work
- I went to Countdown and bought some healthy, good food:
frozen berries
bananas
apples
unsweetened & non fat yoghurt
trim milk
dried fruit
nuts and almonds
falafel mix
linseed
For snack I made a banana and blueberry smoothie with yoghurt, honey and linseed, and for dinner I made falafel and an egg on toast. Yum! I'm off to work in 30 minutes or so, and now I have a mix of nuts and dried fruits to bring, it really sucks to go hungry ay work, hehe. Feels good, I'll do my best to get my body in to a better condition, I need it! And oh, I've got biceps since I started at Micky's! Really, you can tell by eye! It's probably from lifting heavy (for me) trays of glasses all night. Oh yeeeah, never did I believe that my biceps could increase in size but apparently they can, yay!
Feels good aye, I'm off to get ready for work now. Ciao!
Detox
As I said, detox. I even bought a detox journal. Oh yeeeea.
And oh, I am also thinking about going even more vegetarian than I already am.. That would be no red meat at all and no chicken, fish only. I eat heaps of eggs, so I don't really have to worry about the protein (only the cholesterol and heart problems, haha). How do you reckon? I think it would be for a good cause if I would quit red meat and chicken, for both the environment and the possibly mistreated animals.
Another thing, speaking of, is free range eggs. They are really expensive, but every time I have one of my cage eggs, I just feel terrible. Poor chickens!!!!!
Anywho, I'm off to countdown now to buy some good stuff. Tee hee!
Before I die
- volonteer in Africa
- live in Italy long enough to become fluent in Italian
The list will become longer
SB in my ♥
It's now 9.40 in the morning. I haven't been up this early since, well,... I can't even remember? I should sleep more since I have work tonight, but I'll just have a nap later on.
Anywho, plan for today: put on some clothes and go to town to fix some things. Go to Starbucks to have a BIG frappé and enjoy possibly good weather. Before that, go to the dairy and get something to kick start me. Like coke.
I'm too tired to write something interesting, but too bored to think of something else to do but blog as I'm lying in my bed with my computer on my lap.
My apologies.
Good morning
Anywho, I went to bed around 3 am, and woke up at 6.30 am and have been awake since, so now I'm just waiting for time to pass by so that I can go to the bank. Until then, I just might go to the dairy and buy something to drink and watch the Big Bang Theory or something on the TV.
Uuuuuuuh. I love my flatmate! All night long I had her and James shouting "SWEDE", there couldn't have been anyone who at the end of the night didn't know that I am from Sweden. Haha awesome, I just love it! Ah well, I'm off to the dairy soon enough, until then I'll just chill out in my bed, watching the Big Bang Theory (and hoping for the person to inspect the apartment won't show up when I'm here).
Ciao.
