LOUISE

Såhär mitt i natten sitter jag upp i min säng och funderar.

Eftersom min dator bestämde sig för att radera det mesta på min hårddisk måste jag nu för tiden lyssna på musik via Youtube. Jag kan inte vara annat än glad över att de har upptäckt spellistor. Dock tog det mig lite längre tid att inse detta och spenderade ett par dagar att behöva söka efter en ny låt var gång den förgående tog slut. Prova att kombinera diskning med att pilla på datorn var femte minut. Ingen sådär jättebra kombo.

Som säkert alla som någon gång vilat ögonen på denna bloggen har märkt är att min laptop, Silla-Sven 7 år gammal, är patetiskt dålig. Nu tänker ni säkert att en dator årsmodell 2005 borde ju vara i toppform och fungera hur bra som helst? Precis som Nokia 3310 som tåler allt och är, faktiskt, bättre och tåligare än de flesta moderna mobiler.

FEL

Sillis lever ett eget liv, innehållande 38 virus som jag inte på något sätt lyckats bli av med, och gör då och då revolt genom att stänga av vissa funktioner. Touch paden till exempel är en favorit hos honom, eftersom han vet mycket väl hur frustrerande det är för mig att starta upp datorn och se att den lever men inte kunna använda den. Slugt! Självmordsbenägen skulle jag nog säga att Sillis är, vilket är fullt förståeligt med tanke på hur "väl" jag behandlar honom. Student som jag är så behöver jag trots allt datortillgång i princip dygnet runt, vilket resulterar i att jag stänger av datorn ungefär två gånger i månaden, oftast av just anledning revolt från hans sida.

Så han har nog goda skäl trots allt att bråka med mig. Och om ni undrar varför jag personifierar min laptop så växte det fram efter att jag och min partner in crime Malin Nilsson döpte honom. Eller ja, Malin döpte honom. Vem annars skulle komma fram till Silla-Sven?

Så livets stora frågor poppar upp i huvudet på mig. Varför får jag aldrig rätt summa in på kontot på lönedagen? Antingen så fattas det hundra dollar, eller så finns det hundra dollar för mycket.

Varför ser jag mer fram emot mina långflyg till Skandinavien än till att faktiskt flytta till Sverige? Var gång jag försöker reda ut mina tankar och vänja mig vid det faktum att jag ska flytta så trycker jag undan det och sysselsätter mig med någonting annat. Är det förnekelse? Bryr jag mig inte? Är jag rädd? Vem vet, inte ens jag liksom.

Ja, livet är mest suddigt just nu. Med det menar jag inte att det är dåligt på något sätt. Även fast jag har gått från att vara en av de galnaste partymänniskorna på WSA till att vara en av plugghästarna så är det inget som påverkat mig hemskt negativt. Nej, med suddigt menar jag att allting känns otroligt ur skärpa. Det händer mycket och jag hinner liksom inte få fotfäste förrän jag är påväg igen. När jag sitter på gården på WSA med sitt plastgräs, omgivet av höghus och Heat Pizza i full rulle att göra de mest vidriga pizzor som någonsin bakats på Planet Earth kan jag inte annat än förundras över att just det där kom till att vara mitt hem under en relativt lång tid.

En plats där 500 studenter från jordens alla hörn samlas. Alla etniciteter, religioner, kulturer, värderingar, you name it, under ett och samma tak.

Idag, till exempel, så påpekade min vän Thomas från Indien att jag har gått upp i vikt. Jag fann detta ganska underhållande med tanke på att jag la på mig en massa under den första terminen (I blaim the alcohol!) och har börjat, sakta men säkert gå ner igen. Detta är dock basert på när jag vägde mig en gång i februari och en gång i april. Jag kunde inte annat än att skratta och säga att det är mycket möjligt att jag lagt på mig och att det vore ganska fascinerande att han lägger märke till det och inte jag. Poängen med detta är att kanske är det bara så att indier är mer outspoken än många andra? Kanske är det bara han som är det? En svensk kille hade ju aldrig fått för sig att säga så till en tjej. Dock beror ju det på att svenska tjejer (och killar), faktiskt, är sjukligt utseendefixerade och har inte hjärnkapacitet nog till att bry sig om något annat. En svensk tjej hade ju till exempel slängt sig över killen och brutit näsbenet på honom, och sen spenderat de följande två veckorna instängd i sitt rum på en så kallad hungerstrejk i syfte att tappa 10 kilo i en crash diet medan hon smyger in Ben&Jerry's när ingen ser.

Nej, det tog mig med överraskelse och jag visste inte om jag skulle skratta eller gråta. Haha! Mina svenska gener är hårt inprintade i benmärgen på mig. Att prata med brasilienare är ju en annan intressant sak, då de är väldigt närgångna i allmänhet och lägger handen på benet och hela köret, inte i syfte att ragga utan bara vara vänlig. Jag däremot som är uppvuxen i ett land där man ABSOLUT INTE sätter sig bredvid en främling på bussen har nog en tendens att, omedvetet, ge en suspekt blick och i bakhuvudet undra om den här personen stöter på mig, trots att det är en tjej som har pojkvän? Hon lägger ju trots allt handen på mitt BEN! Nej ibland vill jag bara göra mig av med allt det där svenska private space tramset och kunna vara precis så öppen och vänlig som dem flesta människorna jag träffat här är.

Min flatmate Chris kallar mig för sten. Ironiskt är att han är inte den första, och förmodligen inte den sista. Jag vill nog inte påstå att jag ser ut som en sten. Inte heller känns jag som en, speciellt inte nu när jag tydligen har lagt på mig en massa dessutom, hahah. Men bara för att jag är tjej och 19 år gammal så räknar folk med att jag ska vara den där lilla känsliga och känslomässiga flickan. Fel! Jag må vara ung, men det betyder ju självklart inte att jag gråter till alla "vackra" scener i romantiska komedier (även om det inträffar då och då att jag fäller en tår till en film och ler för mig själv medan jag äter choklad och föreställer hur det kommer vara när Paul Walker kysser MIG istället för den andra subban i helikoptern tillbaka från Sydpolen efter att ha räddat hans älskade hundar, åh vilket fint par vi kommer att bli!).

...och DÄR får det ta stopp, innan jag ballar ur och tömmer hela hjärnan i ett enda inlägg. Jag står fast vid att jag är en renblodad realist. Absolut förekommer optimism, pessimism och kanske då och då en smula cynicism, men i grund och botten vill jag ha saker genomtänkt på ett rationellt sätt innan jag beslutar mig för någonting.

Och sarkasm är ju en sak för sig.

Så nu ska jag sova, kanske läsa i min bok eller se en film jag redan sett för många gånger och mumlar replikerna till i sömnen. Imorgon ska jag upp tidigt, äta en stor frukost och hitta på spännande grejer som mina bloggläsare inte kommer att få veta någonting om alls.

Natti natti!
 

Ahhh I'm so tired!

My whole day has been studying. I started off with exam studies for my conflict paper. Then I had a two hour psych lecture. Then I studied psych, worked on graphs and statistics for the lab report. And then I continued on my exam studies. And I am sooo exhausted by now.

Speaking of the psych lecture.

It was the most fascinating lecture I've ever had! It was about how easily persuaded people are into doing things they don't really want to do, and how simple it is for human beings to lose the concept of reality. We talked about an experiment performed by Stanley Milgram in the 1960's. Here's a video about the experiment, which is explained in it. The video is 15 minutes long, but be patient and watch it, it is worth it!



We also learned about Zimbardo's prison experiment, where a group of equal participants were divided into two groups: guards and prisoners. The "prisoners" were "arrested" in their homes by real police and brought to the "prison". The experiment was supposed to last for fourteen days, but was aborted after only six, as things got out of control. Here is a video about this experiment. Zimbardo himself took part in the experiment, and was after five days convinced that he actually was running a prison, rather than a psychological experiment.

BACK FROM CLASS!

I am sooooo tired as I'm escalating after too much coffee. Yet, I'll be stuck in the library for a while so I hope I can stay awake long enough to finish.

I slept almost 12 hours last night, which means I didn't go running or make soup for the week. I do believe I needed to sleep properly though, and there's not much to do about it when the alarm is on but I don't wake up anyways. Haha. Thank God that never happens when I have work or anything else important.

It's now past 7 in the evening, it's dark since a while back and my mission is to read articles, print out some photocopies from a book and do studies in general, depends on energy + how long time the articles will take. I'd rather go home and sleep to be honest.

Aaaahhh first exam is a week away. Should I be more nervous about it than I am?

I'm home from work! Which means that my working days are over until Saturday next week.

I went out for dinner with Saeed last night after work. We went to an Italian restaurant in Parnell and the food was amazing! I had spaghetti marinara with shrimps, scallops, squid, and mussles, and a glass of fruity pinot gris. Saeed managed to cheer me up after working the whole day and we had such a great time. I wish I could have more of those days to spend time with my friends here, but that'll wait until Uni is done, which is only a month away.

After dinner I went home in hope to fall asleep early, but I fixed with my US visa and other things that needed to be done and didn't fall asleep until after 4 in the morning. Not that great. Barely four hours of sleep and then off to work, yay! This weekend has been so incredibly slow as well. Hope next week will be more busy!

As for tonight, I just came up to my apartment, sitting in my bed and getting ready for total relaxation. I've prepared with The girl who played with fire (the movie, now that I read the book), almonds and kiwifruits. I bought like 9 of them last time I was shopping for food so I'll most likely live out of them for the next couple of days.

SO, movie and hopefully I'll be sound asleep before 11 tonight. I have a to-do-list for tomorrow, and I have to get up at 7.45 to get everything done. 

- morning run in the Domain
- check out shipping fees
- study mediation
- study psychology
- make spinach soup for the whole week
- psych group meeting 1
- mediation test run 3.30
- class 4-7

And now.. MOVIETIME!


Lisbeth Salander just might be my favourite heroine!

One of my favourite songs right now. Who knew that a rock girl like me could appreciate electronic music?

...and I'm not even kidding when I say that all Chinese are plotting against me.

Pisses me off.

Aaaaaw it's Thursday already.. Insane! I finished Uni 11 today, and have been studying since. I started off in the park. I just couldn't stay inside, as it still amazes me that winter days here in New Zealand might as well be sunny with 25 degrees, as rainy and windy. I mean, a winter day in New Zealand, like today, has been warmer than an average prime summer day in Sweden.

So I've been going trough psych and conflict, and right now I'm working on a summary covering the whole course in psych for the exam (one month away!).

And now I'll continue my studies. Then work Fri, Sat and Sun. There won't be much time for studies during the weekend, or for anything else by that manner.

Ciao


This is an amazing pic from last year when we tried to sleep on the beach. B I G failure, fun however.

Jag lyssnar på Melissa Horns ljuva stämma och vackra låtar och irriterar mig på min värdelösa dator som knappt fungerar. Det har regnat bokstavligen hela dagen, vilket har varit mer eller mindre deprimerande. Det enda som har hänt idag är psykologi. Jag försökte ge blod, men de ville se pass, student id kort var visst inte nog, så det blev inget med det. Efter lektionen sprang jag runt i Auckland en stund. Sen var det free feed på WSA. That's it! Annars har jag legat i soffan och läst min bok, på snäppet till att somna. Helst hade jag släckt lampan, somnat och sovit ett par dagar. Istället ska jag kila över till Forte Convenience Store och köpa juice eller någon form av vätska och choklad. Jag jobbar fredag, lördag och söndag. Det enda bra med idag är nog att det är löning.

Bara en sån seg dag med skitväder och ingen energi whatsoever. Det är ett under att jag lyckades ta mig till Domain och springa lite ens.

Så vad gör man en dag som denna? Det lutar åt att läsa artiklar och försöka vara produktiv. Om nu datorn bestämmer sig för att fungera.

 

I'm going nuts! I've spent soooo much time tonight trying to access the power points from my Conflict Resolution paper without even a hint of success. Freaks me out! I was supposed to build up a foundation on my research to choose which subject to write about in my essay using the pp's, and now I'm screwed. I'll use Google Scholar instead, but I'm just so frustrated, and having the shakes from a full 6 cups plunger of coffee in less than an hour doesn't really make the situation any better. Haha!

This whole daas been a big mess. At least the lecture was really interesting. We had a guest lecturer who talked about environmental conflict resolution and negotiation. We also had two roleplays. The first was a negotiating the price of a car. I was the one selling the car, and I refused to drop the price and the time ran out before I could seal the deal. I bet my hand I would have succeeded if we would have been given 10 more minutes, hehe!

Well...I'm going to continue with this crap now. This laptop is so worthless. I can't use wireless internet on it anymore for some strange reason, so I can no longer go study somewhere else. I can't open barely any files at all and it takes 5 minutes to load a page. Hate this devil machine, can't wait to break it in two pieces - ie. execute it - and replace it with one of those mini laptops you can bring everywhere.

Ciao. Here are some pics. 


Hamilton


St Patrick's Day (and don't even ask me why I look pregnant)


Katri-Maria and I at Micky Finn's, Christchurch


Tongariro Crossing. Quite a view ae


The Fellowship of AUT having lunch on the top of Mount Doom


6 in the morning, freezing my knickers off with 8 (!) layers of tan tops, tshirts, and sweaters, preparing for the Tongariro Crossing and Mount Doom (the one in the background with snow on the top)

The last couple of days I have been listening a lot to the Swedish artist Melissa Horn. Not that I've never heard her before, but I didn't really "discover" her as an artist of my interest until this week.

So tonight I'm sitting in my bed, trying to make up a to-do-list for tomorrow. I just finished watching the movie 500 days of Summer, which I really enjoyed. It wasn't one of those cliché chick flicks that makes you want to vomit, but romantic and cute, yet quite more realistic and cynical than all the false hope bringing American lovestories. As for now, after finishing the list the plan is to read Larsson's The girl who played with fire and then get some sleep. I'm going for a morning run with Eirik tomorrow, and since I don't have lecture till 4 pm and he at noon, we decided to go at 9 instead of 8 am. Nice!

But the real purpose of this post was not to inform you of this. Tonight my head is full of thoughts and philosophy. I'm not even quite sure of where to begin. As I'm in constant contact with people when I'm working, I do have plenty of time to "people watch"; analyse behavior and try to figure out why people act in certain ways.

Yesterday, a six year old girl came up to me and started chatting. I gave her a piece of paper and a pen to scrabble on and she stuck around while her mom and aunt was shopping.

Every day at work, an older Scottish man stops by to have a talk and catch up. He's in his seventies, and he's dying. He told me his life story, abot how he left home when he was eighteen, and didn't go back until he was fifty. How he's travelled the world and ended up in New Zealand. How he caught a mortal decise due to smoking. What medications he's taking to keep the system running. It's a sad story, yet every time he comes by he greets me with a big smile and an update of his physical condition, which usually isn't very good.

It reminds me of people in Christchurch whose presence I took for granted when I on my days off would wander off to the Cathedral Square to sit outside of Starbucks with a coffee or an iced tea and watch people. To sit there in the sun, reading a book, analysing people and brainstorming about life was extremely relaxing, and I wish I could find a just as good place in Auckland.

So at the Cathedral Square there was the crazy hat man who would walk around the statue of a man I don't know about and preach about something I never quite got the hang of. His voice was worn out, to non surprise as he was always there talking out loud and desperatley trying to reach out to the pubic, gain their attention.

I keep asking myself if he's still alive. It scares me how fragile life is. From expecting to see this man every time I went there, to suddently realizing he might as well be dead is... a peculiar feeling, I guess. I never once spoke to him, I never closely listened to what he had to say or even new his name. For me, he was just the loud man with the big hat and the crazy hair. I even made a drawing of him once, sitting on the bottom of the statue, taking a break from his.. whatever it was.

He doesn't have anywhere to talk anymore. If he's even alive.

I'm not sure of where this is going.. I guess that people have a very big impact on me, regardless if they are friends from way back, or just some brief connection that doesn't even have to be direct contact. Have I made any impact on anyone out there? I guess that is a question that everyone ask themselves at one point. Do I want to? I think I do. I'm quite sure that I will leave this life with something significant behind me. Maybe not something that will be a major part of history, but it will make impact on at least one person. If so, I gues that I will be able to go satisfied.

We all try to get involved in other people's lives on a daily basis. "No, that dress isn't as good as the one you tried out before" - "Use the trim milk, it's better for you" - "If you want to get good marks in this essay I advice you to change this and that"

In good and bad, we change -or at least try to- people's opinions about, well everything. This girl in the mall got me one step closer to come over my "fear" of kids, as I think of children as another, unknown species. But apparently us and them aren't too much unlike each other, there is hope!

..... I have plenty of quite meaningless thoughts to share, but for now I will get started on my reading. I'm getting up in five and a half hours and I will need my sleep.

To-do-list - 9 May 2011, Monday

- morning run, 9 am
- research for conflict essay 11-2ish pm
- mediation practice before class
- class 4-7 pm

Nightey 

Today is beautiful, the sun is even shining!

Speaking of nice weather, have a look at this

Just came back from class. Still staying at Jeannine's which is really cosy!

We got our grades from our group presentations in Conflict Resolution today, and our group was the best of all. There were six group with 4-5 members in each so that's always something! We all got A+ in our group, even though we were graded individually. I'm pleased!

Also gives me a boost of confidence now right before the test tomorrow. I'll repeat everything tonight and go over it. First of all I'm off to New World to buy a snack that'll keep me going till I pass out. Literally.

Jeeeez, knowing that a test is coming up is scary, but it also gives quite an adrenalin rush!

I'm off to start now. Wish me good luck and cross your fingers, for God's sake!

Last night I sat up and studied long after midnight, and I continued as soon as I woke up. Haha, it's retarded how stressful tests are! At least my laptop is working again. I'm a bit behind since it broke down for a couple of days, but at least it's working now!

I'm sorry for not replying on e-mails, letters, phone calls or texts. I'm just very, very anti-social at the moment, all absorbed by my text books, trying to understand everything. Why, oh why do they have to put all assignments after the Easter break? Panicking here.. Ah well, on the other hand the semester will be over in about a month so I'm also trying to enjoy the last out of it, but any trips or other exciting things will most likely be put aside until I'm finished with all of my lab reports, essays, tests, and exams. Nervracking, but quite exiting as well.

As for now I'm off to catch the bus into town in about 15 minutes. Until then I hope to find one of my text books that seems to have disappeared, NOT the right time for that to happen. So class 3-6, then study all night until I feel like I know everything inside out properly.

Psychology. It is interesting, but I wish I had some more foundation in English rather than Swedish. But on the other hand, I prefer knowing it in English. It's more useful

Off to uni now, aaaaaaah wish I could spend the whole day studying and have the lecture tomorrow night rather than today.

Once again, sorry for not keeping touch. I just don't feel like I have time for that right now.

xx

I've been working all day, and will do the same tomorrow. I really shouldn't considering most of my assignments are coming up after the break, next week that is. However, these are some things I've given some thought today:

- two customers were wearing "Ghostbusters" tees
- my boss wants me to work every weekend the coming week, even though I've specifically told him I might have to take one of these off due to exams
- he also wants me to work extra, which I would've appreciated if I actually had time for it instead of going in the opposite direction
- it is impossible to stop reading after getting started on "the girl with the dragon tattoo"
- having both the book and the second season of Lost puts me in a wierd position where I have to choose between the two
- chapter 4: sensation & perception in my 500 page psychology book doesn't really make sense at all
- my new favourite candy is dried papaya

Well. That's basically what's going on in my head right now. It just makes me sick that my day was: go to work, come home from work, make dinner, study. So now I'm supposed to study, 8 pm, when all I really need is to get some sleep. Or read my book for half an hour. What doesn't help is that it's useless trying to understand something after sunset when you're really tired and without a stash of either really strong coffee of a couple of big Red Bull cans. I wouldn't mind pulling an all nighter and getting it all done, but once again I have to get up at 7 am. Kind of a problem. What to do, what to do...

On top of it all is Angels b-day party which takes place tomorrow night. I can't miss it. I've been an anti-social, non-drinking and boring student since the beginning of this semester which makes me both sad and disappointed. There is so much more I want out of this!

Besides all of that, I'm being paranoid about people breaking into the house. It might be that the iron boost pills I'm taking to keep myself from being tired are containing something else than just iron and vitamin c, or I'm simply going mad. Might also be a side effect of reading a book about sadists, mass murderers and conspiracies. Ah well. I suppose I'll give sensation and perception a shot. Can't wait till Sunday when I have the whole day off t study, and will be able to do so all night if I wish to.

So tis is how my to-do-list for today is going:

- get to town no later than noon
- do psych experiment
- pay remaining fees
- collect my student id card
- top up my maxx card + combine register with student id card (for cheaper bus rides)
- buy a new brow pencil
- extend my NZ bank account
- finish summaries on chapter 3, 4 & 7 i psychology

As you can see I only have the summarizing left, which will take some time. Before I do that, I think I'll go for a run. I was supposed to walk into town (takes approx 1 hour) but due to rain I went there by bus, so I need to compensate for that. And I need to be in shape for the morningruns with Eirik once he gets back from Cook Islands as well.. ;)

Here are some of Erica's pics from Christchurch. Love you sis, it was nice to Skype you earlier today! xx


Cathedral Square


Sumner Beach


<3


Cathedral Square - Before the burlesque with sis


Me and my beautiful sis enjoying wine before the burlesque


Cathedral Square

Well, that's it for me. Off for a quick run now in the crappy weather. Ciao!

I just got my E-Ticket! GAAAAAAAAH! I bought my flight ticket about a week ago, but as I asked Kilroy for their cheapest ticket on a specific date I never had the chance to actually see where I'll have my intermediate landings. Well, turs out to be:

Auckland - LA
LA - London
London - Copenhagen

Yay! I wish I'd have mor than 2 hours in LA, but wtf it'll be amazing anyways! I'm soooo excited, which is wierd because I haven't really been so until now. Can't be bad aye?

I have to go meet up Chris, my flatmate, in a few minutes. He's joining me in Mission Bay tonight, and we just might get beer and play Xbox 360 aaaaaaall night. Ohyeah, nice with some company!

Jeeeeeeeeeeez can't believe I'm running out of time and will be in Sweden soon. So strange, it really doesn't make any sense at all, but on the other hand it'll be so nice to see family and friends again. I miss you!