LOUISE

Listening to Tracy Chapman.

Started the day with an hour long walk before breakfast. Walked around, smelled the scent of fields, fed some horses and had a look at my old elementary school, walked through the small community I grew up in. Nothing special really, just filled with memories I don't care that much for anyways. I'm counting the days till I move, till uni starts, and till I get my own apartment that I'll get to decorate and make my own. Counting the days.

Today I'm off to Ängelholm to do some gardening. Elsewise there's not much going on. I try not to look back to much, but it's hard not to miss what I had in New Zealand. It's hard not to miss my friends and my life, but on the other hand I also know what awaits me and I'm longing for it, so I won't get hung ut with what once was. I'll get to meet my friends again someday, and that's what matters, I don't have to live there to make that happen.

Off to do some work now. Today is such a beautiful day, I'm in a great mood and Mom will later join me in gardening so I'm looking forward to spending time with her.

Ciao

There is a certain obsession about our own appearance to others. We need nice apartments, spacious with nice furniture and expensive paintings. Our clothes should be branded and unique, yet worn by enough people to be considered a trend. Our education should be flawless and our jobs admireable.

It really bothers me how all of this works. Of course, I'm a part of it as much as anyone else. Even though I buy clothes based on how much I like them rather on the brand or price, I still wander the stores of designer brands and long for the newest technology. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

Well, I'm not sure of where that was going. Just some thoughts, I suppose.

Lately my head has been a mess, I haven't really sorted out things quite yet. I'm missing my friends and as nice as it is being back "home", I don't belong here. I don't feel like home here. I'm moving in a month, which should feel amazing but instead it's just a big countdown to leaving this place, and that is just depressing. Will I ever find a place to settle down in? To feel like home?

Well, I will find no answers until that day actually comes. I guess I should stop wondering until then.

I want to move. Now!

I got my papers for uni todat with all the information about.. well, everything. I'm freaking out, I just want to run and scream and cry and laugh, all out of happiness.

What makes me even more happy is that I've lost 11 of the 15 pounds (5 out of 7 kilos) I gained in New Zealand. I'm not even sure of how the hell that happend, but I suppose it was just a mixture of not drinking as much, eating more regularly and eating less carbs. I hope that I can go back to my normal weight, 110-114 pounds (50-52 kilos) before I move to Växjö.

Aaaaaaaaaah I'm so happy!!!!!

Holy shit! (Jävlar i havet!)

There is so much going on, seriously! Today I've been packing stuff for the kitchen etc, and some clothes, with help from my mom. But I haven't even got an apartment yet and I don't know when I will get one either. There really should be enough apartments for students, I mean how are we supposed to study there without accomodation?

At least I saw my schedule today, I'll be doing a course called the basics of human communication (den mänskliga kommunikationens grunder) the first semester. Exciting, I've never studied communication before!

Ahhh we'll see what happens =) 

Hey. Guess what? I'll be moving in 2-4 weeks, so as you may understand I'm pretty stressed out about this, but even more excited, or at least I will be more excited once I've actually found an apartment, haha!

As I'm accepted to my first hand choice of study, I'll be moving pretty soon. So happy! I'm almost in tears right now, but I'm in a public library so we're not gonna have that much fun hehe..

I'll know by tomorrow..



versus

I'm ready to leave.

It's two weeks on the day since I returned to Sweden and I am already sick and tired of living here. At least in an environment I know so well. Note that I love my family and friends. Regardless of how great my mom and I get along, I just don't want to live at home anymore. I'm more than ready to leave. Perhaps that explains why I stillhaven't been bothered to unpack everything or even settle down with my things in my room. Because I deeply wish to move in a month again. How wonderful that would be!

By Friday I will know whether I'm accepted to the bachelor I want to do or not. All I can do is to try not to have a major breakdown from nervousness, and wait for the decision to be sent to me. Will I get in? I kind of expect so, but I don't want to take anything for granted.

Not only is this making life so complicated at the moment. I don't have Skype and can't talk to my friends who are spread all over the world. I just can't wait to talk to you! Even more with everyone whom I haven't seen since last year.. It feels like forever since we last spoke.. I'm sorry for being so bad at keeping contact.

My mood is going up and down, as I just can't quite make up my mind about the whole leaving NZ thing.. Was it right? Was it wrong? For now, I just want to get accepted to Växjö and move up there. Get good grades, get a boyfriend and make my own way in life. That's what I want to do. That's what I want my next three years to be like. And it's not too much to ask for. If I set my mind up to something, I get there.

All I need before I can do that is a letter "We are pleased to inform you....."

I've been productive today. Even made dinner for me and mom; spinach soup with garlic bread and a boiled egg. How mistaken was I before I moved to NZ when I though that I was entirely unable to cook, be around kids and other grown up things? Turns out I'm quite good at it. In other words, I'm growing up, I suppose.


This picture is from Copenhagen. I blaim the drunken smile on Elin.

So on Monday this week I went to Copenhagen to see my friend Elin whom I went to high school with. I stayed with her and her boyfriend Josh and their two flatmates. Monday night we spent drinking, first at their place, then in the hotel where Elin works. It is the same hotel that has Icebar Copenhagen, so I had my first visit to an ice bar which was really awesome, I think I like cold more than I thought. Well, apparently I do! Welater on went to an Australian bar (Josh is from Oz) called the Southern Cross and had some more drinks and shots, and then on to a quite shady karaoke bar. It was a good night, and also my first night out in Copenhagen ever, awesome! 

On Tuesday they took me into Copenhagen for a tour around the city. We took a boat tour to see the harbour, the little mermaid statue, opera house, the black diamond, the royal houses, and heaps of other attractions. Later that night we had a barbecue and just chilled out with no alcohol involved, haha, and the day after we just relaxed before I went home again. I had a couple of amazing days there and I hope to go back there soon.

But some more things has been going on as well. On Wednesday night I went out with my oldest sister Erica. It was a bit of a fail, as Wednesday night in Helsingborg in comparison to Auckland isn't a big night out. The Tivoli was quiet so we tried out a new bar in town, I forgot what it is called but it's the old Cantina. We went home pretty early, however. Had a great time with my sis.

Yesterday I saw my grades from AUT and I was pleased to see I got A- (MVG) on all of my final grades, and A's and A+'s on most of my assignments throughout the semester. All the hard work really did pay off and I am so worth it!

For now I'm just trying to figure out my job situation which is hard since I am unaware whether I am moving in August or not, and if so, whereto? I might have a job upcoming, and if I shall get it I'll be sent to Stockholm for a couple of days of business training which would be amazing to have in my baggage, so I'm crossing my fingers for that one. Elsewise, I'll work on my CV and just get out there. I do almost any job and better than most other people as well. Therefore I deserve a good job!

Well that's a nice little resumé isn't it? Tonight I'm going to my other sis Nicole to hang out with her. I'm bringing my guitar and some clothes and I suspect I'm staying in town until Sunday.

Regarding my future, for now I aim to study at Linnaeus University andstaying there for at least three years. You may be surprised or not to hear that once I get there I will try to settle down. I want to find a nice apartment, someone to be with and to love, and well... settle down for at least a few years and focus on my studies.I'm ready for that. Well, kind of. If you know me you also know that I'm not the kind of person who just settles down, what I really want to do is to see every corner of the world, get myself a great and respectable career and a well earned job. But I'm going to give it a shot. I want it to work.

Life is so strange. All the time I feel like crying and breaking down and hiding under my bed, even though I am happy. The reason for me to feel this way is that all of my friends and whanau are spread around the world, and that makes me in all honesty shattered. Whyaren't we closer to each other?

I love you!

Today I'll be spending the day with my Mom.

I just need a quick shower, some brunch and then we're off. It's so har deciding what to wear now that it's summer, even though it's raining today it's still burning hot, and all of my clothes are still packed down in my suitcases, hmmmmm what to do what to do..

Well, it'll be fun to see everything that's changed during the year I've been away. And btw, if you're trying to get hold on me, you probably can't out of two reasons:

1. I have my Swedish sim card with my Swedish number atm. Swedish number is +46709728780
2. I have my NZ crappy Vodafone phone, and I'm unable to charge it here and I refuse to buy a universal adapter since I'm getting a new phone one of these days now.

Elsewise I have quite a few things to get done.. Tomorrow is laundry day, which means that I'll be doing all of my laundry, unpack all my bags and all of my things I packed down in moving boxes and left in Sweden and fill up my wardrobes again. It's going to be hell, but it has to be done.

Then on Monday I'm going to Copenhagen to see Elin and stay with her for a few days, yaaay can't wait!

I'm off to get ready now and then explore everything that has been changed around here. Ciao!

So except from missing New Zealand tonight has been a pleasant night. I met up with Cecilia whom I went to high school with in Helsingborg for a beer (yes, we actually only had one beer) and a chat. I also met Isabell who also was in our class. It felt so good seeing them and just talking about everything that's been going on in our lives since we last saw each other.

I got home around midnight, and I am currently just about to start a movie and chill by myself. The choice of movie eneded up being Walk the line with Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix and I really do like that one, plus I haven't seen it for ages.

Tomorrow will be spent with mom. We're going to IKEA and Väla so that I cab check out all the new stores, and then I'll be cooking dinner.. Just gotta figure out what to cook first, haha.

Oh well.... It's been a good night with good friends.. However, I miss NZ more and more and it hurts whenever I think about how far away I am from my Whanau.. Even worse is that my Whanau is spread out all over the world; NZ, USA, Holland, Norway, Germany, Sweden, China, you name it. Can we just all end up at the same place again?

To keep my mind off it I'll start the movie. Movies are good that way.

I miss New Zealand so much it hurts right now. Can I please just catch the first flight possible back there?



The pic is from when I left WSA.... I love & miss you!