LOUISE

My head is spinning. I want to run. To breathe fresh air. To feel that I'm alive.

 

As so many times before, I am thinking about how much I need a spiritual journey. Call it whatever. A walkabout, perhaps. I need to get out of campus. Away from civilization. Leave Sweden, Europe and everything that I am used to. I want to learn new languages, learn new cultures and become more aware. Every now and then I ask myself the question 'what the hell am I doing right now?' and it is indeed a justified question.

 

When will I be able to take off to Tibet, India and Argentina? Volunteer in Bangladesh, and have a stormy affair in Italy? I can't help but smile because I know it will happen, one way or another. Although procrastination is one of my specialties, whenever I actually do set my mind to something I make it happen with great élan. 

 

I want to get a backpack, go to the most deserted place in the world and find myself there. I want to bring all my clothes and give them away, work without anything in return. I want to learn true compassion and how to practice it. I want to meditate on top of a mountain, watch a sunset in every continent, dip my toe into every ocean and bake cookies to homeless children.

 

My head is spinning. I have so many plans, so many wishes.