LOUISE

...

6 am, I'm going to bed. Goodnight bitcheees

It doesn't always show, but I am constantly trying to figure out how to be in the top of everything. Obviously being the best at everything is impossible, but I do believe that trying to be the best at as many things as possible is sometimes as good as it gets.

Unfortunatley I don't feel the challenge so far in the bachelor I started a month and a half ago. I feel like I'm on vacation (paid for) just hanging around and decorating my new apartment. Well that is not how I want my life to be and that is most certainly not why I moved here. I expected hard studies, long days of lectures and few hours left for drinking. Instead, these first couple of weeks have turned out to be the exact opposite and I can't even point out how disappointed I am.

So in order to get something out of this I have started working. I applied to a poorly paid job at the student pub. I don't really care that much about how much money I can make out of it. Truthfully, I just needed something to occupy myself with. So yesterday I realized I had taken it a bit too far when i realized not only had I signed up for twice as many nights in October month than I had planned to work, I was also searching for more nights that I could work. As I said, it's not really about the money. It's about keeping myself occupied, challenging myself, see how many hours a week I can do.

Due to working as much as possible these last two weeks I'm unable to sleep, so here I am 5 am on Monday morning being pissed off about my so far poor education.

What is my point of all this complaining? I guess what I'm trying to say is that this lazy factor in my programme better change soon, or I might as well start doubting for real whether I have chosen the right or not. I shouldn't have to search my calendar for hours that I can work only because I have nothing better to do if not. I can't walk around being happy about having as little as possible to do. I need a challenge, something that will keep me up all night to research, something that will make me get up at 7 am to make coffee and queue for the library to open so that I can get a good spot before someone else steals it. Something that I will learn from.

I'm tired, angry and pissed off. But most of all, I'm disappointed at my programme and those who actually thought it would be a good idea for us not to learn anything for the first weeks. Not days, weeks.

Well. Kind of. We get four (+-) night shifts of trial in the student pub before they notify us whether we're hired or not. Last Tuesday I had my first shift, and then I worked again on Friday and Saturday. As you may guess I've been kind of exhausted ever since, mostly because I haven't been working for almost four months, and also because in comparison to the last time I was working night shifts I now have a daytime-life as well.

However, since I officially haven't been offered the job I'm doing everything that I can to get it. I'm competitive and I shall not stand by watching the other candidates getting more shifts and hours and therefore more chances to learn. This week I'm working Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Thought I might as well work a couple days in a row, it'll screw me up anyways, haha!

Nah, I like the job and I like working by night, only backside of it is the "hangover" I get the day after which is worse than any caused by alcohol. I've signed up for as many shifts as possible this month, so now I need you to cross your fingers and hope that the job is mine to keep and that I finally can start making some money and getting some work done.

Feels so good being back working again!