LOUISE

Inspired by Gretchen Schroer's latest blog post about being grateful, I myself started to think about what I have to be grateful for in my life. Moving to New Zealand was, and still is, something big, scary and unpredictable, something I have been putting so much energy into just to make it all work. You see, it's not only a new country, people, culture and language, but it is also the fact that I have left everything I recognize at home. I have worried so much about how my life will be when I come home. Will I still have friends, and if so, who? I mean, I have a couple that I've kept really good contact with, and I don't doubt our friendship at any level.

But since I life my life here, and they live theirs on the other side of the world, keeping contact isn't always the easiest thing to do. My hours have I spent grieving the fact that I haven't heard a word from, or said a word to so many friends now for five months. Five months! I am afraid of being forgotten. Being the one who moved away, because I am coming back. Sometimes I reckon it would be easier to stay here, because I have friends here, I know my way here and I know people, but also because I am afraid to return to my homecountry with no one to meet me at the airport, or to see for a beer a warm night in July.

But as I said, I live my life here, and they live theirs. I blame no one for lost contact, because there is simply no one to blame. My point is that regardless of how my relationsship will be with all of my friends when I return to Sweden, I am most grateful for every second I've spent with all of you. I choose my friends pretty carefully, and I must be good at it because I always end up with the most reliable, empathic and wonderful people one could imagine. My Mom always told me I have wonderful friends, and she is right! I do!

Mainly because of me questioning my future social, financial and living situation when I move back to Sweden, I have an increasingly harder time to decide whether to stay here for longer or to return straight away. I can't seem to decide what to do. One day I plan to stay in Aussie for some months to work and save money, and the other day I look at flight tickets to Sweden in early July. To be honest, I think it would be the best for me to go to Aussie and work, save some money and avoid returing to Sweden with nothing. That's just not going to happen. But that's my opinion for today, how will I feel tomorrow?

I couldn't be happier for all of my opportunities I've been given here; to be able to travel wherever I want to in a country I've been dreaming for nine years to visit, I've been to Samoa and I have an amazing chance to move to Australia for, pretty much, as long as I want to. I live the life that so many people dream of, and I have seen so many things at the age of nineteen, more than many people will ever see during their whole lifetime, and my life have barely begun. So I am grateful, I am happy and I am proud over myself, for grabbing this opportunity and making the best out of it.

The thing that I am most grateful for in the whole world would be the people who have been the most encouraging concerning me leaving Sweden. My mom, my granddad, my sisters and some friends, without your support I don't know what would have happend. I know that this would never happen without my mom's endless patience and help, and also financial help from my granddad and his neverending encouragement, which he have been given me in all situations.

I am also grateful for being healthy, with not even a single allergy to bring me down. I have almost everything I could ask for right now: health, food, roof, a job, beautiful nature and good friends. Some people couldn't live their lives without a lot of money, expensive clothes, iPhone, high social status or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if these things might make life easier, I can live without them. Becuase first of all, wearing exclusevely Ralph Lauren or G-Star does not ensure happiness, a boyfriend would restrict me and my way of living (where would I find a man willing to travel the way I do?) and money is for me good to pay rent, food and flight tickets.

Being shallow is being naive, because the outside of a person is irrelevant.

Oh, I've written so much.. I have so many thoughts in my head, I've been thinking a lot about this. Well, I will stop here, I hope this makes sense to you guys, hehe!