LOUISE

Yeah I know, another one of those unnecessary blog post's. Perhaps not too interesting to read, but I still feel like writing some thoughts down. I feel terribly lonely tonight. Not that I am, I don't even live by myself, but Kelsey is sleeping and I just wish I had a friend to cuddle up in the couch to watch Lost and talk about random shit with. Like Malin, she would be perfect. We would just relax, gossip, talk about Victoria's Secret fashion show (that I missed, dammit) and just enjoy each other's company.

I'm not sure of what's up with me tonight, and I don't even know if this is what they call home sickness. If so, is it for Sweden, or WSA? Where is my home anyway? For now, Christchurch is my home, and in a couple of weeks I'll pack up my stuff to leave yet again. I love my life down here, but believe me when I say that it is rough to always be on the road, always going somewhere else. I love the adventure of discovering new places, but I hate saying good bye. I hate not knowing where I belong or what place I should call home.

I never refer to Sweden as "back home". I just say "Sweden". I never even think of it as home, is it? I am scared for how I will feel when I go back.. I am so scared for how I will feel when I step out of that plane and enter the airport, Swedish ground. How will I handle all of these emotions, because it makes me feel so confused already, imagine how I will feel when it's really time..?

I am very good at adjusting. I am independent in many ways. I am grown up. Mature. I have the courage to move abroad for a whole year, without family or friends.

Question is: do I have the courage to just go back to normal?