LOUISE

I just came home a while ago.. It's 4.30 in the morning, and the night started off with watching Little Fockers at the cinema with a workmate. Later on we went to a bar, met some more guys from Rock Pool and hung out with them, had some drinks and then off to Rock Pool and Micky Finn's for some more drinks and tea pot. We stayed there for a while, drinking and playing pool (and yes, I have cancelled my detox, I came to the conclusion that it will never be possible to detox when I work in a bar) and then later on to Stock X-change, another bar in town that is open till 6 am, always. So a couple of Jack Daniels and coke, and some tea pot shots, but I'm still practically sober. I have had some strawberries here at home and I'm going to bed soon to watch Lost until I fall asleep.

BUT

I was just looking through some stuff from the days before I left, and my eyes just teared when I read everything my friends wrote to me. All the wishes for me to have the time of my life, and so on. It just touched my heart so much, and I can't decide how I feel about going home in six months. For some people it's a very long time, but for me it's nothing! Time flies by (believe me, I know!) and I'm pretty sure it'll all feel like a couple of weeks by the time I'm heading for the airport to return to Sweden. So much anxiety. What am I returning for? At the moment, I have almost nothing. I have no job, boyfriend, studies, apartment, no nothing to go back to. I'm not accepted to my studies yet, so for now, what would I relly return to. What if I won't get accepted to the studies I hope for?

In one way, I never want to set my foot on Swedish ground again. But on the other hand, I want. It is all so confusing... I'm just going to have some of my FroYo, enjoy Lost and fall asleep. I'm too tired to think about this (and perhaps a bit too affected by the bourbon?).

Good night, good morning, whatever