Preparations
I think that I am mentally starting to prepare to leave the country. A couple times a week I deam about scenarios related to it: packing my bags, going to the airport, or even missing my flight. Every time I dream things like that, I wake up nervous and anxious. I think I'm starting to prepare to leave, and I thinks it's good too.
Even though it feels hard, there's no denial that I am a bit exited too. And even though it is tempting to take a year off, work, travel or maybe stay here (home!), I'm very exited about going to uni in Sweden as well. Unfortunatley, one can't have the best of both worlds, at least not for a longer period of time.
So here I am 3.15 in the morning thinking about life and all it's contents. What is there to say, really?
Life is beautiful, and in one way I think it's sad that life goes to waste regarding money, shallowness and lack of kindness, amongst others. Why arewe limited by things such as money? Why don't people follow their own dreams? Why is there always something that could've been better? Is it a healthy, or destructuve approach to life in general that it can always be better than it is?
I have so many questions, but no anwers. I'm not sure of how it is physically or mentally possible, but I think more and more about life and its meaning. I am questionning more and more, which is good, but exhausting after a while. Why? Why why why? I am changed. Will my friends still want to hang out with me? Will I have something to talk to my family about at the breakfast table? Will I feel at home when I go back?
I am not much for good bye's.. If I have the chance, I'll just get over with it the get the hell out of there. It's been working so far, and hopefully it'll continue to do so for a bit longer. Maybe that's what I should do when I leave NZ. Leave WSA 5 in the morning when everyone's asleep, sneak off and not think about it until I'm on the plane and it's too late to turn back...?
All these random thoughts. I'm sorry, it must be a mess to read. I'm a mess right now, sleepless and running out of movies to watch. I have to get myself together and fall asleep!
Even though it feels hard, there's no denial that I am a bit exited too. And even though it is tempting to take a year off, work, travel or maybe stay here (home!), I'm very exited about going to uni in Sweden as well. Unfortunatley, one can't have the best of both worlds, at least not for a longer period of time.
So here I am 3.15 in the morning thinking about life and all it's contents. What is there to say, really?
Life is beautiful, and in one way I think it's sad that life goes to waste regarding money, shallowness and lack of kindness, amongst others. Why arewe limited by things such as money? Why don't people follow their own dreams? Why is there always something that could've been better? Is it a healthy, or destructuve approach to life in general that it can always be better than it is?
I have so many questions, but no anwers. I'm not sure of how it is physically or mentally possible, but I think more and more about life and its meaning. I am questionning more and more, which is good, but exhausting after a while. Why? Why why why? I am changed. Will my friends still want to hang out with me? Will I have something to talk to my family about at the breakfast table? Will I feel at home when I go back?
I am not much for good bye's.. If I have the chance, I'll just get over with it the get the hell out of there. It's been working so far, and hopefully it'll continue to do so for a bit longer. Maybe that's what I should do when I leave NZ. Leave WSA 5 in the morning when everyone's asleep, sneak off and not think about it until I'm on the plane and it's too late to turn back...?
All these random thoughts. I'm sorry, it must be a mess to read. I'm a mess right now, sleepless and running out of movies to watch. I have to get myself together and fall asleep!
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