LOUISE

I've been such a lazy bitch today. Yes, it's true! We had an online group meeting 11am-1pm, then I went into to Växjö city to buy myself some wine. Ended up buying some more than just that, oops! Worst part is that I can afford it, and somehow I'm just that good with money that I can buy heaps of stuff and still afford other stuff, like traveling. That might be becuase I basically only shop on sale? Yes, and that's something everyone should do.

I came home and left about an hour after that for the indoor swimming pool with Nadja, Miralem and Alejandro. Such a good time, haven't done that in ages and definatley want to do that soon again! Tomorrow I'm getting a tan before work, and the next few days I'll hightlight my hair, and hopefully I'll look like a living human being soon enough, hehe!

At the moment I'm just listening to some awesome music, screaming along and hoping that my neighbors don't hate me too much (as I'm playing at quite a high volume, going to turn it down after this song!). It's close to midnight, so I'm just cleaning my apartment a bit, then I'll make some tea and go to bed.

First of all I need to make a list of stuff to do tomorrow to make up for my unproductive day today...

9am: wake up, morning walk? (if the weather is nice, that is) proper breakfast, study for the seminar on Monday + exam next Friday
2pmish: get a tan!
3pmish: studyyyyy
8pm: work

Love!

Yo!

I feel worse now than I've done for a very long time. I guess winter's finally getting under my skin, could it be my time to get sick? I hope not, I drink heaps of tea and do my best to stay fresh but there's no denial my health isn't at its best when I feel like I do right now. Lately I've had a running nose, tired all the time, I sneeze repeatedly and I feel swollen.

My guess is that I need to get a tan, get a hair cut and drink more tea (and lots of ginger, of course). Tomorrow I'll get a bottle of my favourite Merlot to enjoy the next day off I have. So excited to get some time off!

As for now it's close to midnight so I'm going to bed.

Cheers xox

Konbanwa!

I am currently sitting on my couch. The table is stuffed with my laptop, papers, notepads, honey and four kinds of tea (I'm throwning myself a tea marathon, a nicer way to say that I'll be up all night studying, eating chocolate and drinking tea thanks to the warming effect in my freezing apartment and proper amount of caffeine).

The task for tonight is writing an article based on the press conference from today in which myself and my group starred as journalists. It's really not much to get done, but I have so many other things on my mind that I can't concentrate. I've been home for 2,5 hours by now and I still haven't written a word.

Soo.... I need to cleanse my head, concentrate on the article and get it done.

Cheers.

Sooo, curious about what I'm doing during my time here? Figured I could write this week's to-do-list:

Monday

10am - 1pm: group meeting journalism
1pm - 4pm: journalism lecture
5pm - 7pm: Japanese language lecture

Tuesday

10am - 1pm: journalism lecture
1pm - 4pm: group meeting journalism
4pm - 4.45pm: group meeting public relations
4.45 - 6pm: group meeting journalism
Laundry night

Wednesday

10am - 1pm: lecture journalism
1pm - 5pm: group meeting journalism + press conference
5pm - 7pm: Japansese language lecture
Study at home; press conference + journalism group work

Thursday

10am: group meeting journalism + press conference
8.45pm: work

Friday

Noonish: group meeting journalism + press conference
Evening: do preparation work for theme day/public relations
9.20pm: work

Saturday

Noonish: group meeting journalism + press conference
8.20 pm: work

Sunday

Group work journalism + press conference, time undecided so far.
3pm: extra cleaning day at work

Ahhhh, my schedule is crucial, I like it though. No wonder I have a lot of things to do as I'm trying to take a lot of responsiblility regarding our Peace & Development Theme Day. Japanese takes a lot of time, learning all the signs and such. So does our journalism course, in which we have firstly group works that will be handed in very soon. Next week we're also having press conferences, and the weeks after that we will have seminars and a home exam. Except from this, I have just joined two organisations; the United Nation's local youth group and another organisation called Jusek which is a great portal for hunting down jobs already, getting to know the business and such.

Feels good, this is probably the busiest time since my final exams my second semester in NZ at AUT. Woop.

Yeah, that's right. I sent in my application a few days ago regarding my exchange semester starting in January next year. The list goes:

1. Iceland, Reykjavik at Háskóli Islands
2. Iceland, Akureyri at University of Akureyri
3. Italy, Salerno at Università degli studi di Salerno
4. Italy, Torino at Università degli studi di Torino
5. Ireland, Limmerick at Mary Immaculate College Limmerick
6. England, London at Roehampton University

Of course I'm hoping the get a spot at Háskóli Islands in Reykjavik, as they have the most interesting courses for me, but no matter where I'll end up going I'm sure it'll be great.

I'll probably know in a month whether I got a spot, and if so where I'll be going. Wish me luck!

Klara came up to Växjö yesterday and stayed until a few hours ago. Couldn't be happier about meeting her, and it was so great being able to show her how I live and everything. We went out to Stallarna, and today we just hung and went out for a walk around the frozen lake.

The letters Tomo gave me to read when I left New Zealand. They remind me that friends are always there for your support and love, no matter where they are. I will always keep them where I can see them!


My rugby ball, loving it!


My Mom gave me this angel, and she's sitting together with Buddha on a shelf.



And some pics I took last night here in Växjö,..








Exhaled just before I took this picture. You know it's really cold outside when your breath looks like this.

As often as a few times a week it strucks me that I am getting older. Not older as in close to retirement, but in fact not a teenager anymore, and officially grown up. A friend of mine who's a few years older than me pointed out a few days ago that I have another ten years to just fool my life around, and that I have time to make mistakes, bu she doesn't. Her point was that if I finish my bachelor only to discover that my degree is in fact nothing I want to work with that's fine, because I still have time to figure out what I want.

That is not how I see it. Out of my point of view I will be 22 when graduating with a Bachelor's degree. I will also have my one year Certificate, which I expect to be very useful in the area I want to work in. After finishing my Bachelor I intend to finish a Master's Degree as well, as soon as possible.

Why do I need to finish it early?

Well, I believe that the younger I am when I'm done with my studies the more attractive I will be for employers. I'll have time to build my career and make myself a name, earn experience and find my place.

Why is this bad?

For every day that goes by, I'm missing out on adventures. Yes, I have this urge to drop everything to travel, explore and breathe new air.

So basically every day I think of places I want to go, untouched nature I want to experience, wild animals I want to see while they're actually still there, and ancient cities to visit. Why does it feel like a choice between travelling, and studying? Why do I feel like time is slipping away? And why do I feel so much anxiety about not being able to live my dreams before I turn 40? Because in all honesty, I can't imagine a life without travelling just as much as I can't imagine a life without the career I aim for.

Even though I have hopes about being able to combine the two of them, it still scares me that one of them will be put aside. My worst nightmare is to get stuck in the same suburb I grew up in, have kids and have them go to the same school I went to, and have the same, aged teachers I had. No offense. I know there's a lot of people who do that, including my parents, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I just can't see myself doing that, I'd rather die! I do, however, slightly envy those people's capability of settling down, as I can't quite do that myself.

Example: I loved living in Auckland, and even though it was hard to leave I couldn't imagine living there for much longer. I even moved away after five months because the city was starting to get "boring" and "worn out" in a way I can't even explain.

Oh well, I do hope for the best and until I finish my studies I'll have to settle for shorter and touristic trips. In the end, I am spoiled being able to travel the way I have for the past two years, and I am most grateful for what I have seen, even though it's not much.

The future shall tell what my life turns out to be. Let's just hope for the best at the moment.

Peace.

Wow, I never cease to amaze myself regarding my ability to sleep. I'm pretty sure that I could sleep for a whole week if nothing actually woke me up.. Well, I did sleep for 24 hours straight my last few days in New Zealand. That, however was due to sickness and a lot of red wine (but I was sick, really!).

Being a student is wonderful. It's the foundation of my future. My career.

Even though I like being a student, I wish I could just put on a backpack and get the fuck out of here. Hitch hike. Walk all the way to the Mediterranean. Spend no money, wear no expensive brands, sleep in a tent and eat only what I need.

But I guess I can do that during my uni breaks... Well, maybe not, but hopefully every now and then I'll be able to put on a backback and be close to the nature. Even for just a few days.

Cheers.

Ciao belli!





PICS

Oh how I miss living in the big city, in the middle of everything. It's not even 11pm and there is no way to get food delievered to my door, how bad is that? I just woke up after getting some sleep, hungry as hell but with no desire for cooking at the moment and figured I'll order in. But no no no, BIG NO on that because it's not possible? Sooooo... Now I need to think of something otther than crisps to eat. Ciao.

+  +

4 hours sleep, went up at 8am and been studying since 10ish. Time is now 2,30pm, and my exam is due 6pm. One last question, I could've been done already but lack of energy and inspiration holds me back. Come on come on come on come on energy, kickstart me!

As today is 30 December I thought it would be appropriate to summarize the year that in 28 hours will be over.

Just struck me that I've been consuming a lot today since I woke up. Well, no wonder really regarding the Christmas party at work last night. Things went pretty crazy. However, since I woke up I've eaten:

1 omelette with leek and tomatoes
1 portion potato gratin
1 rye sandwich with caviar
1 (whole) fish gratin
1/2 pack of marie crackers
1 risifrutti (rice meal sort of)
0,83 cl of coke
2 glasses of lemonade
A few nibbles of Venco Salmiak Rondo's (Dutch liquorice)

..and counting. Considering seconds of potato gratin. Might even throw in some herring as well?

Tomorrow I shall eat sushi until I burst. Oh yeah, I might even bring some home and just live out of it for a few days. Ah, if only there was a good sushi diet. Great food and weight loss, oh heaven!

I'm becoming more and more aware of my emotional handicap. No, not as in "scarred by a mean boyfriend" or anything like that, I'm just not that very good when it comes to emotions and it seems to be a fact known to most of my friends.

However, I was working last week and this really really really cute and nice guy starts flirting with me. A lot. I usually don't like it when people do that to me when I'm working, so when this guy asked me for my number I just told him a straight up "No". Well he kept on hanging out at the bar, so after a while I just thought "screw it, he's cute, I might as well give him a shot" and gave him my number. He never called, which isn't surprising since I didn't show the least interest in him, the poor guy probably thought I just gave it to him to get rid off him.

So this really makes me angry with myself, why do I have to keep everyone at such a distance? I haven't bonded with anyone for so long by now so maybe I'm broken, maybe I can't?

How should I do to actually allow myself to go on dates, accept cute guys numbers and give them a chance? That shouldn't be too hard, should it? I mean, for all I know I might as well be sitting there when I'm 40 with my awesome career, but all by myself.

It makes me sad when I think about it. Am I unable to seperate independent and single?

So I had a really wierd dream last night. I don't remember all of it but I thought I'd write it down anyways.

It's New Years and aliens comes to planet Earth to take it over. I'm sitting in a room overviewing a big city with skyscrapers and a clear, blue sky. All of a sudden we hear this message on the radio or something that aliens are on their way, and I believe it was from the aliens themselves who sent it as well. At first I don't believe it, but as I'm looking out over the skies I see an aircraft closing up, dropping things on the city.

It turns out the spacecraft belongs to the aliens, and that it is bombs they're dropping. As it reaches our building a small bomb comes in through the window. So what they have is small (smaller than a tealight), time-set bombs that search their way into houses through open windows, they are not big enough to blow up houses but can kill a person. The small bomb finds its way through the crack of the window and lands in the couch that I'm sitting in on my left side. I quickly use my left hand to grab it and throw it back out. There is an unknown person in my room, or more, who is/are quite releaved over my quick reflex that just saved out lives.

We leave the apartment for a house (which happens to be the house I grew up in) in the suburbs. This time it's me, my American friends Chris and Andy and perhaps someone else trying to survive and avoid the aliens. By this time the aliens have announced that in case we (the humans) do not surrender by midnight they will kill us all. The house is being destroyed by the bombs and severeal attempts to wipe us out. The neighbouring houses were destroyed and the people inside them killed, but we somehow managed to hold it all together.

Eventually we leave the house as well and goes to the city centre. For some reason there is an Eiffeltower there, even though I am quite sure it didn't happen in Paris.. Anyway, the city starts flooding and once the Eiffeltower is entirely under water I start to climb it. But it can't hold it so it falls down and me with it. This part is blurry, but there is some kind of man to man combat right there and Andy gets wounded. He falls down right where the Eiffeltower used to stand, and dies.

Chris and I leave to find some food and shelter. We end up stocking up on Billy's Pan Pizza, talking about going somewhere the aliens could never find us. My suggestion was New Zealand or the island from Lost. After eating and showering at Chris' place, mouring my dead friend Andy and planning our escape from the aliens I go to my mom's house and try out shoes.

THE END

... So isn't that a fucked up dream? I just had to write it down!

PS. My apologies for bad writing, can't be bothered to put energy into it atm.